Bliss

Note: I wrote this when I was falling crazy in love for someone a couple of years back. As one song goes, 'I remember the boy, but I don't remember the feeling anymore'....

Just thought that rehashing it might make me more of a believer in love again.

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I don’t know of anything there is to say that will encompass the totality of my emotions…that will grasp this deep longing within me that seeks to be heard, that seeks to be quenched…that seeks to be tided over by nothing less than a smile, a whisper, a caress.

Never thought it could be like this. That it could come this easy. And, even at this moment, I am still unsure about everything. Hesitant to accept this growing feeling that I nourish within me with every thought I have about him, about me, about us that I have.

I am drowned in this sea of romance, alone, yet never lonely. I wish to shout to the highest heavens and let the deepest of seas hear what sweet melodies are singing in my soul at this very instant. And every other instant I keep myself too from wandering even farther into my consciousness, for fear of trapping myself in the abyss that is my mind and body and soul.

No one can know for no one will understand. And why would they? This feeling is like no other I have ever felt, much less known to a tee. It is of elements that one only dreams of, that one only cares to imagine in that happiest of nights when the stars shine the brightest seeming to us that they will heed even the most intense of our longings.

This is not to say that I do know exactly what this is I am feeling. On the other hand, utter chaos is ruling my insides. Lined inside me is confusion, bubbling laughter and the ecstasy of sweet nothing and everything rolled into a sumptuous feast of delightful murmurs that no one, not even I can comprehend. Yet I do not wish to isolate any aspect of this growing feeling, for I might miss the entirety altogether. On the other hand, if I delve into this completeness too much, I might get sucked into the feeling until I am nothing but pure and sheer bliss. And that would not be good. For I would not be able to appreciate the bumps, curves, black holes, and white corners.

No labels, too, for that might confuse me more. Or it might confuse others into believing they too can feel this. Or that they can rationalize it. Or what may come after it. After this highest of high has left my system.

Dear God, I hope it never leaves, this wonderful feeling of nothingness and completeness all rolled into one. It might leave me empty, scrapped to the bone, alone in my deep solitude for nothing but it supreme and absolute return. And I do not know when I might come upon it again, just like I never expected it to creep upon me when it did. All I know is that I was content then, but I am in sheer delight now. And if I were to choose between the two, I do not know whether I would choose the certain path or this uncertain bumpy one with lots of curves and crevices.

There is nothing I know at this instant except for the complete knowledge that this is a conscious taste of what heaven must be like.