Princess Bride

Can’t really tell what’s happening to me. All I know is the day seems a bit more tolerable. And the work seems to go much easier…And emotions are a little lighter…Light, but not fleeting.

But it’s been so long.
Too long.
And I don’t know if I still have the strength in me
To try once more.

Scared, I cower in the shadows.
But when light comes, all you will see
Are my shiny, moist eyes
And my indefinable hint of a smile.

I don’t know how to let go
And maybe that is my problem.
I don’t want to try to let go.
And maybe that’s the point of it all.

Through every path I took before,
I always ended up in mazes
Where the only escape or exit
Lay in my jumping into the quicksand
And waking up in a strange, quiet and lonely place.

Butterflies….been so very long since I’ve seen them this delicate.
Pains me to see them
So afraid to stare at them too long
Let alone touch them,
For fear of finding out it’s all just
a dream.

And like a tree that’s passed through summer and winter,
Sleet, rain, and warm bright days,
I am old and tired.
I think I am quite contented with what I have right now.
Still clinging to the past.
Still thinking that yesterday is always better that today
Or tomorrow.

That child in the windowsill.
I know she is kind.
I know she means well,
But when she comes near, I remember the pain of winters alone
After beautiful summers
And the hunger for cool water during scorching heat waves
And I don’t think I can bear another one
Of those fantasies
Though the vision holds promise.

Someone, please.
Don’t know what you can do.
But any gesture of kindness
Is most welcome.

Note: Wrote this two and a half years ago. Seems that was a long time ago, but the feeling is somehow still in the air. Always in the stale air.