The "Ugly Duckling turned Pseudo-Swan" Feeling

Ho-hum. I didn't save the YM conversation, and that's my stupidity. It would've been easier to just paste it all in here and let the YM exchange speak for itself.

But here goes my mind's version.

You know how when you're an average high school kid, you think you can pass for a wallflower? I knew that feeling. I was in a high school were there was the 'Popular Crowd' and most everyone else were just extras, trying to get a speaking part.

Anyway, one day, this guy calls me and asks if I could be his grad ball date. I say 'Sure' in a heartbeat, not because he's cute or handsome or popular, but because it was just flattering to be noticed and/or asked. Let's call him Toffer. Okay. So Toffer introduces me to his friends, one of whom was Borg. And Borg just sucks me into his world, not because he is extremely handsome or popular, but because it felt so nice to just be around such a jolly person who was also a good conversationalist. And so we talked, and I developed a small crush on this Borg fella. But I didn't do anything about it because 1) he was Toffer's friend, who started courting me at the time, and 2) I convinced myself that nothing was going to come of it, because it was just a stupid crush. But me and Borg still talked, way after their grad ball was over. In fact, we became such good friends that I even invited him to my small kiddie party (in lieu of my debutant ball haha).

And then college happened. And my first true love. Most other fellas in my life (i.e. best friend, yes best friend Jappy, close family friends, etc), take the back seat. Some of them, like Borg, I think fell off the wagon. We lost touch.

Seven years later (more or less), Friendster comes to Manila like a plague, and I am swept in. One day, out of sheer boredom, I try and search for Borg. And lo and behold, he's there! So we become friendsters, and start talking again.

Fast forward to last Saturday. I come home from clubbing and decide it's not time for bed yet. So I log onto YM. And Borg is online. We start talking. And then he asks me about Michelle Bayle. And how she's a 'sexy star' in Manila these days, and how she used to be a schoolmate, and how her features changed, and that she was prettier way back. And then he tells me (in his words, not mine) that I could be a star. I said, 'No way!'. I was a wallflower, nothing more. And he disagreed. He saw me as a lovely woman, who was nice inside and out (Now, this is my version. I told you it was better if I had saved the YM exchange. Darnit!). Anyway, we both finally found out that we had a crush on each other way back in high school. The reason he didn't say anything was because Toffer was his friend, and he knew Toffer really really liked me (btw, I gave Toffer the old heave-ho kaboom outta there before I started college).

And I smiled. And I actually started to laugh that night, all alone, in front of my laptop. Not because I was an excited kid with a crush, but because it felt wonderful that someone saw me as more than a small girl with long hair in high school. He actually saw through me. And I guess, in a way, I saw through him too.

Thus, the Pseudo-Swan feeling.

Not to sound too full of myself, but these things have been happening to me a lot these days. There were days in the past when I truly believed no one saw me. That I amounted to nothing. And then there are days like these. Days when you realize that you misjudged the past. That people actually saw you more than just as a small girl with long hair. That people actually noticed that you made a lot of sense, that you could sing better than average, that you had nice lips, and animated eyes, and a good heart.

But don't anybody worry. We're not planning on reliving our high school crushes. He's quite happy with his girlfriend and I'm more than content with my boyfriend. It was just nice going down memory lane and seeing things in a new light.

Life's nice like that, don't you think.

Everyone deserves a sunny walk down memory lane once in a while, I think.