Five Seconds of Silence

The title is an exaggeration. I actually have more or less two hours of silence tonight. My scheduled dinner with a friend got cancelled because she was called away for reasons of the L-word. Love (Ahem, what the hell were you thinking?).

That cancellation was a double-edged sword, really. I have a few minutes to spare to blog, I think, and be alone in my blissful recollection of people's reaction to my manuscript (yes, if I forgot to mention, I have one, and I just submitted it to a publication house last week...hopefully, they agree to publish it for me...still crossing my fingers...). On the other side, I've got no one to have dinner with. I can't very well leave the office and have dinner alone at home because I still have meetings scheduled for 10pm 'til midnight tonight (yeah, yeah, wonderful life).

So here I am, with around an hour to doodle away. And mind-doodle, I will.
Allow me to ramble.
***
There are some men whom you think of as drinking buddies, and then later ("potah, idiota ka talaga, gusto ka n'un noh") realize are actually boylets.
Funny, but very, very true.
The funnier thing is, you don't ever think of going out with them as 'a date'. In your mind, it's always 'gimik' or 'partying' or 'tambay'.
I learned from a guy friend that men actually think about it the same way. 'Gimik', 'Inuman', 'Labas'.
Okay, so it's agreed. It's most definitely not a date. Because women tend to be awkward at dates, maybe? Or men feel more at ease when you say 'gimik', instead of when you say 'date'.
So, then, when two people publicize a partnership (i.e. 'kami na'), it's 'nagkadevelopan' and 'we had the DTR talk' (Defining The Relationship, dummy), instead of 'he asked me if I would be his girlfriend'.
So, that's why less and less men court women. The alternative route is so much easier.

In this case, the END most definitely justifies the means.
Be gone, ye of little faith in 'style bulok'!
***
Yes, women love to observe other women. Moreso than men. It's not just you. You're not a tomboy. It's not a lesbo-hint. It's just natural. Lots of women do it. Either you're an all-out observer, or you're a closet observer (practiced lateral vision haha). That's what I love about being in Starbucks. People who stay there for more than an hour, and who meet up with other people, constantly have their eye muscles exercised. They look around. All the time. They just can't help it.
Okay. Fine. I just can't help it. Hahaha.
So, for a change, on Saturday, while in Bagaberde, Mia and I looked around and observed men. Yes, it was way boring than observing women, so we made a game of it. Pick 10 men at the place for your friend. The 10 worst-looking, and ask her to choose one man to mate with (in dreamland, of course). The scenario is --- there are these 10 men and you on an island, and you know you have to mate to survive. Who would you mate with.
It was hysterical, to say the least (to hell with do-gooders, bite yer tongue. We all know everyone says things about other people).
I think people actually started staring at us because we were laughing so hard at the choices.
Well, if you were in Bagaberde, and you noticed us, 'hi' to you. Now, at least you're in on the joke. Hopefully, you weren't one of the punchlines :P
***
So it goes with past crushes and ex-boyfriends. One past love, more than four years ago, still hasn't gotten closure over our ending. Another is doing rather well keeping himself busy and away from temptation. And I feel nothing. I can't believe it. It's a weird feeling to be able to recall intense emotions you felt for a certain person in the past, but not be able to feel them when you're confronted with them. it's a de ja vu of sorts. You see them, but you see them differently. Maybe it's because you don't wear the rose-colored lenses of love you wore back then. Maybe all is definitely in the past, and hope is just for the weak-hearted. Having moved on, I can call my friend 'Nagpapakatanga' for the ex she still yearns for. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think my happiness now is much more fulfilling than her anguish every single night. Or maybe I'm just jaded and she's just optimistic.
Or maybe that's just the way life's supposed to be.
***
I didn't know a year away would change a lot of people. But it did.
Friends are still friends, and acquaintances are still acquaintances, but so many things have happened, and so many lives changed. People have broken up, gotten back together, gotten engaged, found a new love, dealt with heartbreak, dealt with temptations, dealt with career stumping, career growth, changes in careers, changes in priorities, and changes in lifestyles.
It's all so very surreal, which makes me rainbow-happy. I think this is the kind of world I always imagined for people around me. Ever-changing, ever-evolving. Like a screensaver of photographs, forever-changing to the sound of Mariah Carey's tunes.
***
Blah blah blah. I'm hungry. I need to sign-off now.