why, not when

I am most easily disturbed when my mind is trying not to meddle into affairs of the heart. Someone teased me the other day about someone else, but it was your face that quickly entered my mind. I shrugged and erased you in my mind, and then you were standing there, looking at me most innocently. The time of the day doesn't matter, nor does the day of the week. What matters is when I think of you, that I think of you at all.

Because no one even knows I think of you.

Not them.

Not you.

I'm even keeping you from myself.

And that's when you stare me down in my sleep, your stare lingering for what seems like forever.

The sense is almost too overwhelming that I have to wake myself up to hide the totality of me from you.

Again, a sudden creeping into my mind when I least expect it. You are not at all who I was gunning for. But you now reside in the recesses of my perturbed surreal mind, and I will let you stay there. At least until I find something else that fancies my idle mind in wee bit moments of lonesomeness.

***

Yours truly was on a date sometime last week. It was fun, he was fun, we had fun. He's not my type, really, but good conversation was flowing and everything was out in the open, and everything was going smoothly. And then, like a blind corner, he asked me the question that made me verbally go 'whoa!'.

The question ---

"When are you planning to get married?"

Now, can anyone tell me why this is important to know on a first date? I thought only women were psychos when it came to ticking body bombs, er..clocks, and were thinking about marriage and children ont he first date. I most certainly did not expect this question from A GUY.

I laughed. Flicked my hair. And answered him. I acted nonchalantly about it, but for the rest of the night I wondered. Not about why he asked me. Dear gawd, i wasn't that into him to overanalyze him.

I wondered why the question was "When" instead of "Why", as in 'Why would you get married?', or more simply, 'what would make you ready to be married?'

I will marry when I find him, or he finds me. I will marry when I can no longer contain the feeling of joy and overwhelming happiness I feel with the person I will spend the rest of my life with. Marriage will give me the right to shout it out for all the world to hear, without me sounding like a crazed hopeless stalker or obsessed psycho woman. Marriage will make all of this official for me. But I have got to have it, before I decide to tie the knot.

People give themselves timelines for their fairy tales. I should know, I'm one of them. But I think today's people think happy endings only happen with layers of cake, satin gowns, a shower of petals, and saying 'I do".

We should remember, fairy tales always ended with "And they lived happily ever after".

I've never read a fairy tale that ended with "And they married happily ever after".

***

Been pretty busy the past couple.... bah, you guys know the drill.

Boxing, reading, eating out, band-jamming, drinking, badminton, sight-seeing, online-gaming, and partying.

What can I say...a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.