Lights Up

Lights! Camera! Action!

You know how you feel right after the lights go up inside the theater after a good movie? For a split second, you're torn between not wanting the film to end and wanting to analyze the beauty of what just transpired before your eyes. That's how women normally are. 'I miss...' are common words I hear almost everyday from friends, especially from those who have had marvelous experiences in the past year that (because of one thing or another) are now referred to in the past tense. I used to be the same way. But things took a turn somewhere between Virginia and the Manila, and now, I think I like it better when the lights are up. I mean, the experiences were all good and memorable, but once you've enjoyed the moment by living in THAT moment, then there's no need to turn back and say 'I MISS' that moment when in fact, you not only DID NOT MISS IT, you were the focal point of that experience in your eyes. If that moment didn't excite a 'living' emotion in you, then there's soemthing wrong and you definitely will miss it because you missed the whole point of it. But if it made you feel like you were alive and whole (or more whole than you were before the experience), then you will remember it fondly, but not 'MISS' it, because you know that even if the exact same thing happened again, it wouldn't feel the same. Because you already got from the experience what you needed to get from it, and no one can take that away from you or duplicate or replace that. Ever.

And after the lights are up, you stand up from your seat and remember the age-old saying 'Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans,' and if you're lucky, you heed that little voice, and let it guide you toward your next fabulous 'MOMENT'.

So, moment after moment, you're in there, just soaking up the things that you won't miss, because you gave it all, and you juiced it for what it's worth. Just by being in the moment and being you.

***

My moments have come in much-awaited leaps and bounds this season (yes, I think in seasons now...must be an effect of being away from Manila for longer than I expected). And I'm not speaking of moments made memorable by something big happening either. Some moments happen when I'm busily typing away at work, or quietly smoking a cig, or riding a cab, or just drinking at a non-bar with some non-buddies. I guess, that's just the way it goes. Sometimes, you think of moments as big events and seasons, but it moves you only two boxes forward. And then, when you least expect it, and nothing particularly 'momentous' is happening, you suddenly are given a 'GET-OUT-OF-JAIL' card, plus some pocket cash and skips over the next few boxes. Suddenly, things are looking good. Just when you started to define your loss, you suddenly gain a world of possibilities.

C'est la vie.

***

And speaking of living in the moment, the band's moving forward, thank heavens. And me and some office pals have finally officially enrolled in Boxing. Like my friend loves to say 'Diz eez eet!' Hopefully, she's right, and this is the rebirth of my 'Get Fit, or Lose' routine. Unlike, high school and college, though, where I ran to compete in track meets and a half-marathon (respectively), now I'm going to be boxing for my life. To get fit and healthy, I mean. Yeah, yeah, and the smokes are gonna need to stop too. One thing at a time, okay. After all, I AM only human (and no, you're not allowed to start singing the song in your head :P).

***

Ooh, letting anyone who cares to listen know (which is actually around 2 people, I think hahaha), I had dinner at Circles, and the food was delicious. I also met up with 2 girl friends and watched "La Flaqueza del bolchevique", a film featured in Pelicula Pelikula in GB1. And can I just say, it still amazes me how love themes are so universal, but cultures make them so unique in their own special way. The added bonus of the film being in spanish also made me look at the visuals, more than read the dialogue (subtitles). I haven't done that in a really long time. Twas something I learned in a film class back in college, and practiced noticing when I started watching art films. I'd forgotten about it for around two years, until I watched Cinema Europa the other week. Now, the critical movie-watching is back, in bits and pieces. However, words, intonations, emotions, still get lost in the translation. And I guess this is always a challenge for film-makers who wish their pieces to be noticed and watched abroad. Thank goodness my hobbies aren't as complicated.

***

Another realization hit me last night. I like emotionally unavailable men aka I am a masochist. Sucks to be me and realize this after sabotaging a past relationship which was pretty good, but lacked the pizzazz of me getting emotionally bombarded with the whole gamut of negative emotions. No fuss, no muss, though. At least I didn't end up with an emotionally abusive beau, or worse, husband. Ew.

***

When people ask me why I don't have a boyfriend, it's like they think having none is a disease that they must not catch. Then, they try and fix me up for 'serious' dates(whatever the hell that's supposed to mean), or try to psycho-analyze why I'm not ready. Why is that? Is there some rule that states you have to be in a relationship to be happy? I am happy. And no, I'm not just pretending to be. Even Starbucks people have a different spiel when you're alone than when you're with someone. They ask you if you're having your cappucino 'to go' because they see you enter alone. Bias, bias, bias. It doesn't suck to drink coffee alone, you know. What sucks more is if you drink coffee with someone who's useless company. You'd rather have them be invisible to avoid the awkward moments. My moments alone are jsut fine, thank you verymuch.

***

The weekend is coming, and I have to go to the office to complete some training. Sucks to be me, I know. BUT, I do have plans for drinking with photo-buds at night, so I think, all in all, it's been a pretty darn good week, plus a 'GET-OUT-OF-JAIL' card too.

Now, go on and have YOUR moments. I dare you. :D