on the eve, "don't waste the pretty"

On the eve of my rebirth to another year of my crazy, sexy (ahem*), cool life, I finish the book 'he's just not that into you'.

Lemme tell you, the book hits you right where it matters, 3 leaves from the back cover.

So, you're scared of ending up alone, are you? So is half the universe. Everyone just wants to feel included. Each person wants to be valued as priceless.

This has been my stand pretty much since I started dating the first real love of my life.

I will not settle.

It's a recurring theme in this blog, if you haven't noticed (too bad the links to past writings are broken, or I'd point you to specific entries)...

Ah, love.

On the eve of my twenty-second (ahem) birthday, there are constants to be thinking about in my life -- the x's, the y's, and the z's, the ven diagram of probabilities and the cosine of my self.

I will not sell out to a philosophy of fear.

I will not run scared into just any man's arms for fear of waking up one day alone and lonely, with no one to validate my presence in this world.

I will not give up on the promise of genuine love. I will love genuinely. Of that I am sure. Of things which I have no control over, I can hope and pray and wish for. But I realize that ultimately, I don't control them, and I will still have given love away with no return in mind, without thinking if he will ever realize how much it hurts me to love him, but still I do from the closest horizon away from him that I can.

I will cherish each day for what challenges it brings. I will savor each emotion I feel because each day is my first, just as it is my last.

I will write for myself and for those whose silent voices need to be heard. And especially for those who need to hear the silent voices.

I will photograph images that portray the simple unobtrusive beauty of life that lets us live with courage and hope for something better.

I will sing of joy and pain, hurt and ecstasy, confusion and enlightenment, love and hate.

I will not waste the pretty.

***

On the eve of my day (yes, I am being selfish about it and calling it mine), I thank the people who have made this past year a full one. (O, this is not in any particular order ha!)

Sandy - for showing me how love can be the most beautiful perfect thing in life, with or without color, with or without race, with or without noise, with or without sugar (haha), but always with patience and thoughtfulness and an open heart and....(ahem)alcohol hahaha. I will treasure our memory.

Poch - for allowing our friendship to grow deeper as time goes by and for growing more and more mature with me as time has gone by. Your listening skills, insights, and social skills match mine par none.

Carmen - for being the no-holds-barred buddy who has been with me through boring non-day-days and eventful crappy, sappy, weird, zany days.We've known each other almost 10 years now. Holy Cow!

Cha - for being the silent friend, ready to listen, ready to comfort, ready to berate. You are indeed a Sagitarrian. I wish for you to grow in your skin and know that sometimes, actions do speak louder than words.

C3, c4, c1, and papsky - for showing me how functional a dysfunctional family can be. For being who you are, and for letting me intrude on your personal lives, because (for real), I do give a damn.

Jas - for being the best work mentor-slash-buddy-slash-zuma-cum-laude-friend-slash-coffee-at-genes-and-coffee-in-the-morning-seatmate a girl can have.

Xian - for reading my blog, always and forever, for being a good photog buddy, for always being ready for my inum challenges and weekend spur-of-the-moment shy*t hahaha. Mabango pa rin ang light.

Miken - for being my ever-ready stogey mate, during my stress moments and yours. I never knew that ten to fifteen minutes a day could make two people more buddies than drinking buds are.

Tinto - for being my run-to-escape-the-world-but-still-have-coffee-in-in-it buddy. When I'm 33...Hahaha

Jake - for being the 'catalyst of my adventurous spirit', and my drinking buddy in times of want for deep philosophical or shallow bullsh*t convo. And for sharing my love and hope for today and now.

H.O.P. - for being my support group (unbeknownst to you guys hahaha) after the breakup, and for showing me how much fun can be had even when you are a party of one.

Steven - for introducing me to JJ's hahaha. And always surprising me with his steady point of view. Inuman na.

Steve, Don, Amilcar, Dave, Deepa, Wan, Drew - for making my stay in Arlington not just about work, but also about getting to know myself through you guys. You made Arlington days more interesting than it would have been were I alone.

Macaroni Suicide - it has been a roller coaster of figuring out how to express ourselves through our music. Let's rock on.

My Officemates - for showing me how a team can continue to smile through the darkest of work days.

And to those who will read my blog, thanks for letting my words be a part of what resonates in your mind.

Malapit na pasko, so I plead insane emotion, by reason of "MAY MGA PAROL NA NAKASINDI, E ANO NGAYON..."