Death to Romance

Aside: This is a long one. Forgive my ramblings.

The first pocketbook that I read was one of those Mills and Boons ones. My mom had a collection of them that she kept on hanging shelves in the corridor. Hanging shelves that were around 8 feet high, while I was a measly 10-year old. And as kids do, I did. Planned the whole shenanigan in a week or so, and executed with perfection. Woohoo. I was officially an unofficial adult. I would lock myself in my room and read. but because the print was very small, I think it took me almost a month to finish it. Very far from the 'Run, Jane, run...See Jane run' books I was used to reading at the time ('twas the beginning of third grade, and like most kids, I didn’t like reading very much).

The point is, I read the Mills and Boons book. And the story was very cheesy (as can be expected from these ‘trashy’ novels, as I was to learn later), Count Mr. Guy and Guest visitor Ms. Girl are a mismatch at first, but they eventually hook up, and after attitude and circumstantial problems, they eventually live happily ever after. And so I guess that’s how I perceived love would be when it came to me.

And I guess that’s why I always tried my best to work out problems with past boyfriends, and never just gave up at the sight of many obstacles. Besides, it was a challenge to find ‘Mr. Prince Charming.’ And so I tried.

But people don’t have the same ideas. They don’t have the same backgrounds. And as much as I would like to get through problems by win-win or compromises, not all boyfriends seemed to see it the same way.

I guess you could say it was a matter of perspective. Or because their first romance novel was not the same as mine. Or was not read at the same life-phase as I did mine.
But life’s more challenging like that, I think back now. The aged twentysomethings single women out there would not be what they are now if it wasn’t for those books, or for those realities of exes.

I remember in college, a friend had been dating another friend. Girl, me and a couple of others went to McDonalds for breakfast and started talking about love lives. Girl thought that she and her boyfriend were a perfect fit. She said they had arguments, like most other couples, but that she thought he was The One. Now, at the time, I didn’t know much, but my question was, ‘How do you know he’s the one when he’s all you’ve ever had?’

I know, I know. You and her think the same thing. Fate. Destiny.

But that theory can only get you so far, see. You meet, and looks like each has everything they want in the other. But what if you wake up one day and there are flaws and peeves and imbalance in the relationship? Do you just say ‘Well, hey, he’s my destiny and we will work this out'? What if he cheats? He lies? He stunts your growth? Worse, what if he beats you physically or emotionally?

Whereas, tabula rasa. Having no expectations outside of a culture. You have no standards, no boundaries, nothing societal that binds you together, and so you are free to either help each other grow or leave each other. But, then again, you’re also free to just think of yourself and feed from the other person’s energy. Suck them dry and get your fill, hoping it’s as symbiotic as you wish it to be.

Pragmatism, you say? Denying human nature, I say.

Saying ‘Oh, he’s my prince charming’ isn’t going to help you get through everything. But the other side of the coin, ‘Oh, looks like this is beneficial to ME’ thinking isn’t going to work either. Because it’s not just you involved. There’s the person you supposedly love. The prince charming. (or princess, as the case may be).

Have a little respect for him. For her. If you’re getting into a relationship, know that partners have feelings and thoughts too. And what you think funny, s/he might think embarrassing. What you might think practical, s/he might think hurtful. And what you think romantic, s/he might think a waste of assets. Chickenjoy sa yo, KFC sa kanya. Papa ketchup sa yo, Mang Tomas sa kanya.

And so the romantic novel dies here. Love is love. But a relationship is more than a romantic novel with a happy ending. It’s a never-ending story.

Cue, Jonathan Brandis.

PS. And the girl, she's with another guy now.