retrospect 06

i've decided to celebrate the holidays in january. seems like the holidays (and the roller-coaster that came with it) arrived a little too late for my comfort.
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it's going to be 07 soon, and as my sister and i were discussing over coffee today, i think 07 is going to be a wonderful year. just because i'm different, she's different, we're both of us different people than when 06 began. if you'd told me a year ago that i'd be hanging out at holes in the wall with beer buds, toasting 'to the wounds' and all that, i'd laugh right along with you. but now, i'm here. it happened. it's real. i changed. and not just in a small new-clothes-kind-of-change, but in a moving-up-10-years-along kind of way. it's weird and exciting at the same time, not being able to recognize the reasons behind why i won't do now what i did just a few years back, not allowing myself to step into that rabbit hole, when it used to thrill me to no end.
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there's just one final loose end i have to fix before my 07 officially begins. K. it should've been fixed by now, really. but sometimes waiting is ultimately the best decision. i'm sure it'll all be for the best. this whole kismet thing is just really not good for the body of optimism.
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does anyone else believe that our lives are like wheels turning? it's a cliche, but straining to look back, the pattern seems to show itself over and over again, redundant in its redundancy, and consuming in its consistency. if all our lives are just wheels turning. then why do some lives seem more unscathed than others? or is this wheel theory simply for dysfunctional 'unique' people like me...and maybe you? do we just wait for the wave to hit again? drown a little, and then climb back up for air? or de we try to outrun it?
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in essence, why?
in reality, how?
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wonderful december. exciting december.
the pictures i've posted don't even come close to presenting a glimmer of how interesting this month's been.
i've gained some, i've wrecked some, i've lost (or will lose) some.
but the moments, ah the moments...
those were the moments we live for, really...
that moment when your heart started beating fast and you wished to god he didn't hear
that split second you held his eye
that moment when he said the words you hadn't heard for a while
that moment he glanced over at his phone, and you knew it was who you wished it wasn't
that time when you both laughed, looked into each other's eyes, and knew that you were both in this wonderful moment
that moment he said someone else's name, and your heart sank
that moment when his hand brushed yours and you tried yur damndest to hide that small smile
that minute he called your name, and you knew this was a new bond
different people, different moments, different emotions, diffent times
so i can't still be the same me, can i?
or am i?
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it's been a 'friendly' year.
i've been a friendly me
my old friends have noticed
my new friends have said so too
i'm not sure i can still do it next year, though.
but
it's not like i've exerted painful extra effort physical-therapy-style to be this way
it just kind of happened, you know?
i just kind of opened up
and i still don't know if that's a foolish act
a selfish one
or a bold brave thing to do.
what do you think?
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i'm thinking my official tag for myself this year is 'buddy'.
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i'm praying '07 brings the tag 'happenin!' with it. i'm sure He knows what i mean with this.
do you?
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and because i've said this is going to be a photo-only blog from jan 1 onwards (see previous posts for details), my last post for the year will be of......ME! nyahahahaha! bawal kumontra! cheh!