zhinesade's surreal world

everything about nothing

Friday, January 29, 2010

today was a weird one

There are so many things I'd like to blurt out right now but can't. There are so many things I wanna talk about with someone, but will not. There are so many things that I need to think through, but don't want to.

Sometimes, they say, silence means much more.

Sometimes, silence is just too unbearable.

Sometimes, you just really need to blab to someone who doesn't have anything invested in what you think of them.

And, sometimes, if it's really not your day, you have someone that apparently has a little too much invested in what you think about what they think, so they eventually end up not being a good mirror for the conscience.

Sometimes, it bothers me that these things bother me.

It's way too complicated, and I over-think, and almost always end up making the wrong choice even if, until the moment of decision, you had the other choice in mind.

Dammit, things maybe might've been so much easier were I born as a boy. Or if I were a lesbian. Or if I wasn't so analytical.

Oh well, 20-20 vision is a bitch.

Saturday, January 09, 2010

Eye & Body Movement

A friend of mine and I had a discussion last December, over a cup of coffee, about some amazing quiet moments we had observed (of course, being Sagittarians, this is one of our skills --- observation).

Sometimes, if you're lucky, you see a look cross between two people, and you know it's the look of love. It's a look that's very brief and and quite unnoticeable, yet if you look very closely, it's a nice quiet intense energy that radiates from one person's eyes toward another person. If they're luckier, they both see it in each other's eyes and recognize it for what it is. In that one brief moment of intense emotion.

And, sometimes, more common and more identifiable, is the look of 'like'. You see someone looking towards another in a kind of yearning, where a story is told in an instant where one's eyes look, and then suddenly avert as the other one notices. It gives one a feeling of a sweet rush, like candy, only not overly sugary. And if you read body language well enough, you'll know if something can come out of this, or if this is a secret that only the gods and a few people will know. You could be wrong, and nothing could happen, but it didn't mean the person didn't try. It's a bit sad, but it happens all the time.

And if you read body language correctly, you know if a person is avoiding you. And you will also know why the person is avoiding oyu. It could be because they truly abhor something about you or something you did, or it could be because they don't want to but they have to. The latter, if you see it, is like a game of catch. You have to catch them in the instant when they are most conscious of the avoidance, and see the tenseness in the muscles, the deliberation in the movement, the semi-holding of the breath, and other such symptoms. It makes one smile to see this kind of dance unfolding before one's eyes.

Ah, the object of one's affection. It's an intricate dance, and lucky are those who notice and appreciate it solely for what it is without any attempt to change it or benefit from it.